Hey Randy, excellent message. I think you might have come across a little soft. Just my opinion.

Randy. First I didn't realize the post was on you web. Might want to put the link here. Second it was the mos unenthusiastic message I think could have been delivered. Smile and act as though you really want them to call you. You asked for criticism and it seemed a little timid. Tell them you are the best they can hope for and mean it! You know you will give them more than they are looking for, now tell them that. You have a winning smile so use it. Drop this one and do it the way you mean it to be done. Your telling them you hit the right spot now I am your man! Say it and mean it! They will appreciate it and your council.

I like it, Randy.   However, keep in mind that I am a soft sell personality, middle aged graying man (okay... fully gray headed) so my opinion might not be the kind you are looking for.  LOL  I think you need the opinion of some 30-something professional types to get a better indication.  

OK Randy, good job:

I would like to see three changes:

1. A little back from the camera, about the same distance as your pic.

2. Either turn at a slight angle either direction and see if that eliminates the glare off your glasses. It will also make you look more comfortable and friendly.

3. Speak more loudly and project your voice. The way to do this is, when you speak, at the same time pull in your stomach muscles to tighten your diaphram. It will give you power. It's good to even overenunciate a little. You come across as kind . . .  now let's get you kicked a notch up into authority mode.

I used to teach commercial acting in the 80s. If you do those three things you can 'hit your mark' I bet . . .

FWIW!  But good maiden flight!

Hi Randy.   I applaud you and your effort.   It takes courage to put it all out there!

My only comment would be that you are speaking so softly, almost whispering, so my suggestion would be to speak with a little more volume.   Even if it's not your normal speaking voice.   You need to appear a little bit more authoritative.    

Just my two cents worth.

Good stuff Randy.  Thanks for putting yourself out there like this.

Here's my take . . .

1.  If you're not a boisterous, hard-sell, aggressive personality type, you're right not to try to fake it.  If it's not you, it won't come off on camera, and it will start relationships off on the wrong foot.

2.  But, if your method of 'selling' is casual, friendly, personable, perhaps you could go with a more informal tone in your script.  Conversational language tends to connect more effectively with your visitors.

For example:

Rather than "For over 33 years, I've been assisting people like yourself. . ."

Try "I've been helping good people buy and sell homes around here since the seventies"

Rather than "Whatever information you need regarding Dallas, Ft. Worth . . ."

Try "Three decades of Texas real estate experience has tought me a lot.  I've seen all kinds of homes - good, bad, and very ugly - and all kinds of situations.  No matter what you're looking for, or where you're coming from, I can help."

These are imperfect examples, but I think you get my drift.  If casual is your angle, embrace it.

3.  The biggest way you can fail in a venture like this is to not be memorable.  You'd be better off telling a story about a pig you wrestled at a county fair when you were twelve years old - even though it has zero to do with real estate - than to explain your services in a way that doesn't connect with your audience.

. . . of course, that's just my opinion :-)

Pig wrestling at the county fair Carey? spill.

Carey your not a bad script writer. Very good! Come to my show tonight so I can hear you in person.

Yeah Carey and we want to hear the pig wrestling story!

Well yeah, Randy . . . if that top producer was like Jed, he probably got all the Beverly Hills transplants!  LOL

People don't even need to like you. They need to feel they can rely on you. If they like you too, it's a bonus.

I've known people like "Jed". You could see the "brilliance" through the "hillbilly".

Randy,

I agree with Candice, move a little farther away from the camera and turn your body a bit.  You might try sitting behind your desk.  

Carey,

Good stuff!!

Randy,

BTW if any of your clients are Delta people transferring to the Atlanta area, send them my way I have some great airpark lots/homes available. :-)

I'd be more eager to fill you in on the details of the pig wrestling story if I had won . . .

Just kidding, that was just pulled out of thin air, but it proves my point - it was the kind of thing that people want to learn more about, and therefore it reverberates.

It's an imperfect example for your purposes Randy, but I think you probably get what I'm trying to inarticulate :)

Gary, if I can swing it I just might join you this evening.

Hi Randy,

I am so proud of you....you are trying so hard! I agree with Gary, Cary and Candice.

What program and equipment are you using to do this? Remember this saying... if at first you don't succeed do it over and over again and you will get it right.  I use to model in my younger years and they took 300 pictures to get the right one!  Keep up the great work...no wonder you are a great Realtor....you really care!

Forgot...Gary ...where are you going to be this evening...I want to hear you too!

Ginny, Gary's blog is right above this one with the details.

Randy:  Your relib photo has a nice smile, so I imagine you do too!

You are confronting an issue I also ran into when I did my first video commercial a month or so ago.  I too am a bit of a soft sell, at least in the warm up - rapport building phase - but I close like attila the hun!!!

A local freelance ad man was hired.  He encouraged me to skip the soft sell rapport building warmup.  You only have 30 seconds and you don't want to bore them.  He wanted me to EMOTE, sound TOUGH and FIRM, until I felt like I was sounding impossibly ANGRY.  But on playback it was simply good natured and firm.

TV is like stage.  Did you ever act?  The first lesson for actors, about emotion and expression is DO IT BIGGER THAN LIFE.  For the best examples of what works, watch the local news people in your market.  There is an intensity and intentional expression of emotion that would OVERWHELM if they were in your living room telling you a story.  But on TV, we have come to EXPECT this and are bored if we don't get it.  Some markets may play it more 'straight' than others, and some will play more sappy or warm and fuzzy, but whatever kind of story telling sells in your market is the kind you should use.  That's why I recommend the leading news anchor as a case study!

Also notice the SMALL little head moves the news folks use.  Tilt up, chin left, tilt down, cheek right... They do this every few words.  I already knew this bit because I have done educational video before....

People gave me lots of compliments on my commercial, so maybe it would help if you saw it.  See on my home page at www.DuganSells.com - scroll down about half way...  

You know, there are such things as media coaches, who might help, for as little as one or two meetings.  The cost should not be a lot more than $100/hr and might be well worth it : )

This coaching recommendation is not self promotion because I am not in Randy's market : )

Hi Randy,

I liked your video, and see you've already incorporated several of the suggestions here.

There seems to be a little bit of distortion to the image...are you leaning in towards the camera? Your voice is still a tad soft...BTW I do not think I could do this myself, I'm video-impaired, but you did ask!

Randy, I deliberately did NOT watch your video but will after I comment.  I didn't want it to affect the message which I received many years ago from an old boss who taught me how to speak and write.  She had me make a "stick" figure out of popscicle sticks and speak and write as if I was talking to that figure.

She said "Just be yourself.  Let people 'know' you.  You should always sound the same, whether you're writing, speaking to a friend/aquaintance or client, or speaking to a large group.  Let your personality shine through.

The person in the video/letter/website is the one they are going to expect face-to-face.  So just be yourself.  Only you know who that is!

My example is an email I received last night from a woman who signed onto my website over a month ago.  I called her after receiving the email and she said I "sounded" just like my website.  The phrases she used included "no stress", "homey" and  something to the effect of "I want to work with you".  Magic to my ears!

Mind you, I've been told my site is "too friendly...too local....too personal, 'too' many other things". Not enough of this or that.

I've also been told by Relibbers I've spoken with that I "sound" exactly like I type.  Consistency is the key, to my way of thinking.

I'm not good at the "technicals"....Candice is a really good source on that.  But just be yourself.  Have a "conversation" with the camera...don't talk "to" it.  

IMHO

Sharron is sending .... standing ovation for Cathy's humble comment!

Cathy nails it right here:

<<Have a "conversation" with the camera...don't talk "to" it.>>

If you look at the camera and imagine it is your wife at the breakfast table or a good buddy watching the game, you'll capture the essence needed.

I'm assuming you love your wife and your buddy and you are rooting for the same team . . . LOL

Randy, I already ripped into Vanessa on her video and you are going to give me a sword?

Aw, shucks! I'm going to take a pass on this one. Everyone has already given you the good advice. And, I see you know where the money is in real estate today - being a keynote speaker at the octopus gardens.

Good Luck!

Randy !! you did say  you are thick skin right?

Your not gonna like my response.

You need to lighten up,

I almost fell asleep, you are selling homes, not cemetary plots.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hnzmB54LSig

Gregory

Reservations for three---LOL!

Sharron and Steve Lobman !

Did you see who sign it LOL

Thanks, Vance. I almost thought I wrote that response. It's the twlight zone revisited.

ha ha  I just wanted you to share in it..and not feel left out.

I must admit I had passed the sword back to Randy, and I hope he keeps it under lock and key now.

VanceSwordfish

Randy, thanks again for sparking this discussion.

There really is a pile to be learned from these fine folks if you are willing to look past the intermittently operational opinion filters :)

Please keep us updated on your evolving video efforts!

The What?

if you are willing to look past the intermittently operational opinion filters :)

Those intermittently operational opinion filters :) are a safe guard cross over, from someone going over the Edge, in the event of a opinion that may push someone to the Edge.

As you can see that statement I just wrote makes no sense but You did read it !! now don't you feel beter! ha ha

Edge filter ahead, http://youtube.com/watch?v=JPxnPba0ezA

?

Are you on the Ford payroll now Vance?

Is it just me, or do you find think calling the term "Crossover Utility Vehicle" is a little ridiculous?

Yes Cary,,,"Crossover Utility Vehicle" is a little ridiculous?

They are a station wagon nothing more, except its not cool to be called a station wagon anymore.

Are you on the Ford payroll now Vance?

Yes, I am a blog moderator! ha ha

How about changing the camera angle occasionally, employing some props, maybe a little power point or chart?

Sharron and Steve  

Considerate it done ha ha ..

Vance