I have decided I am no longer content living in the home we purchased a mere four years ago.
While the area boast a Frank Lloyd Wright original right across the street, it's subtle charms are now lost on me.
Can you help me find a house?
I want to live where my clients want to buy property...in LA-LA Land!
In LA-LA Land you can get a five bedroom house for under $150,000 with a credit score of less than 475 on stated income or public assistance monies.
In LA-LA Land, actually paying your taxes is not nearly as important as paying homage to the method by which they are delivered. (Direction-impaired magic sprinkle fairies so I am led to understand)
In LA-LA Land, property values never drop. An annual appreciation of 25% or more is almost certainly guaranteed despite numerous unoccupied properties and the bountiful smell of charred aluminum siding filling the summer air like jasmine.
In LA-LA Land, there are no restrictions on how many people can occupy a property. The property simply grows new annexes to accommodate everyone that wants to move in.
In LA-LA Land, maintaining a property full of discarded refuse and dead landscaping is viewed as contributing to the environmental movement. All those vitamins and minerals can't do anything but improve the condition of the soil and aesthetic appeal.
In LA-LA Land, you get to keep as many pets as you want because housebreaking/litter pan training new pets simply consists of waving a magic wand over spots on the carpet and piles in the rooms. The smell of pet refuse is magically transformed into Lavender and fresh baked muffins rather than the traditional musty odor.
For all these reasons and many more, I want to live in La-La Land!
Will you sell me a house there?