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Thinking about thinking...

How to rid pesky telemarketers?

By: John Bourassa
Wednesday, June 06, 2007 10:09 PM

I finally figured it out.  Just like you, I get one or two callers every evening who are soliciting something. 

 

I used to be so infuriated by the annoyance to receive one of those calls during the news or in the midst of whatever (no, not that.)  “LEAVBE ME THE F… ALONE ALREADY!!!”

 

Not long ago, I received one of those telephone solicitors’ calls.  Instead of being mad and rude and hang up on her after she asked me “May I speak to the owner of the house?” I don’t know what possessed me to answer in that manner but I simply and cordially replied with a solemn composure “No” and I shut up sadistically waiting for some reaction.  Startled and confused she retaliated with “Is the owner of the house there?” and I said “Yes” and I shut up.  She said “Huh” and she hung up. 

 

I thought to myself, victoriously, is it that simple?

 

Since that time, I have decided that if I can’t beat them, I might as well have fun with them.

 

Lately, the police are getting ready for their 4th of July bash.  Last week, they called for later regretting they did. 

 

“Hi.  I am so and so and I am calling ….. 4th of July BBQ for our kids.” 

 

I replied: “Oh, I am so glad you called, I am a Realtor® and I am on the fund raising committee of our local Board of Realtors® to raise money for our 4th BBQ festiva too.  Can I have your name and the name of all the police members on the force so I can call them to participate to fund our party?” 

 

He said: “Thank you.” and hung up.

 

Another one called two days later for the same goal but his approach was cleverer: “Hello is this John?” 

 

I replied: “Who is asking?”

  

The man: “I am so and so from your police precinct and your were referred to us by one of our officer’s wife who spoke very highly of you.”  

 

Me: “That’s nice.  What is her name and phone number so I can call her to thank her personally for her great recommendation?”

 

The man: “We are not allowed to disclose the name of our officers’ wives for it is confidential.” 

 

Me: “Then how about the officer’s name so I can thank him properly?   If his wife knows me, then he must know me too.” 

 

The man: “It is against our policy.  I am sorry but I can’t give that out.”  

 

**Me: “If you can’t tell me her name or the officer’s name, then I can safely assume that you are making all of this up.”

 

Then I continue and asked him “Are you a cop?” 

 

The man: “Yes I am.”   

 

“Can I have your badge number for my own security measure?” I asked.

 

The man continues: “We are not allowed to give that out as well.”

 

Me:  “How do I know that you are who you say you are?”

 

The man replies: “We are the police and we would not represent ourselves to be policemen if we were not.”

 

Me: “You don’t even have a number on my caller ID; therefore, if can’t properly identify yourself to me, then you will understand why I am going to hang up on you.” 

 

He hung up in frustration first.

 

So, don’t get mad.  Have fun instead.

 

John

 

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Comments

Shelly  Constantz
Member Since '07

Shelly Constantz said:

Good for you, John.  I am tired of the Police and the Fire charity groups calling for money.  I have heard that less than a nickel actually makes to the police or fire department.  If I want to make a donation, I'll go down to my local firehouse and make it in person (and yes, I have).

Shelly

June 6, 2007 8:19 PM
John  Bourassa
Member Since '03

John Bourassa said:

Shelly,

You are right.  Most of them are probably handled by soliciting outfits who get a big chunk of the revenue.

Even they can't be fully trusted.

June 6, 2007 8:23 PM
Gary Szolosi
Member Since '03

Gary Szolosi said:

John - My favoite is to ask them to hold on a minute and set the phone down and go back to what ever I was doing. When you here that chirping noise the phone makes when it is off the hook, you know they left. If the phone is close by, every few minute pick it up and say he'll be right with you, hang on. See how long you can keep them on the dead line.

June 6, 2007 8:31 PM
Craig Barrett
Member Since '07

Craig Barrett said:

Funny John. That's a good one Gary. I like to use - Nope, sorry, you've got the wrong number. Nope. No Mr. Barrett here. Yep, sorry, wrong number.

June 6, 2007 8:45 PM
Jana  Davis & Marcia Demerjian
Member Since '05

Jana Davis & Marcia Demerjian said:

Gary I do the too, but I don't pick it up again until I hear the busy signal.  I don't feel bad either because I am on the do not call list.  Lately we have been getting a bunch of calls to do surveys.  They ask do you have a minute to answer some quick questions?  It usually takes more than 10 minutes and nothing quick about it!

Solicitations for funds, sheriff, police, whomever I tell them I never donate over the phone please mail me their information.  I don't think I have received one in the mail yet.  What does that tell ya?

Jana

June 6, 2007 8:46 PM
Mary Welch
Member Since '04

Mary Welch said:

John, they are fun to mess with my favorite is this: Hello

Yes, is the owner home

hello

hello, is the owner home

hello, hello, I can't hear anyone, hello

hello, maam, can you hear me?

hello, hello

but you have to stager the hellos so you aren't responding to them.

I love yours too.

June 6, 2007 8:47 PM
Gregory Bain
Member Since '03

Gregory Bain said:

John, this is why I don't do cold calling. I don't like it, you don't like it and I'm pretty sure the home owners don't like it.

June 6, 2007 9:05 PM
Phil Anderson
Member Since '04

Phil Anderson said:

I think the funny stuff you guys do is great!!!!!

But for me, honestly, I tell them I'm on the "Do Not Call List", ask them not to call me again and to take me off their "Call List".  Takes 8 seconds.....

99% of the time they thank me and I never hear from them again.  The only exception being Homes.com, which I had to take to a different level.  

I get less than one call a week (usually from newbies), and I deliver the same message and get the same response.

I love the DNC List!

June 6, 2007 9:07 PM
John  Bourassa
Member Since '03

John Bourassa said:

Hi Phil,

Maybe in your state there are better regulations for soliciters to respect teh DNC.  Down here, no one seems to care much.  They are getting very clever finding deceiving excuses to get through.  As for cops, charitable organisations and political fundraisers, I am almost sure they are exempt from DNC penalties.

So that is why I like to mess up with them.

June 6, 2007 9:22 PM
Todd Clark
Member Since '06

Todd Clark said:

I've handed the phone to my 3 year old before. She loves to talk as much as the telemarketers do. The usually last 30 seconds before my 3 year old says the phone is making some weird noise. (DIAL TONE)

June 6, 2007 9:35 PM
Sharron and Steve Lobman
Member Since '06

Sharron and Steve Lobman said:

We have started sending junk mail back in the return envelope!

June 7, 2007 6:50 AM
Candice A Donofrio
Member Since '07

Candice A Donofrio said:

We are such the creative bunch!  :)

You haven't lived till you've opened a new real estate office--I think the brokers can attest to this. Slammed by solicitors and telemarketers right and left.

I have gotten into the habit of telling callers and having the agents tell callers, "Sorry, but we review all proposals via e-mail only. Please send it to [junk mail address] and we will contact you if we are interested."

They never do, of course. But it gets rid of them.

Charity and political organizations are exempt from DNC list. But like John, with personal calls, I first inform them kindly that they should be aware that I am on the DNC list and that the call is now being taped. They go real quick that way.

June 7, 2007 7:27 AM
Gregory Bain
Member Since '03

Gregory Bain said:

John, you have written some great posts in the past, but this is the one that makes you "featured" post of the day. Five Stars!

June 7, 2007 7:38 AM
Anson Simque
Member Since '06

Anson Simque said:

I love messing with them. i like to try to sell them something, I've told them that i'm a new comedian and they will be seing my cd's in wal mart in a couple of weeks, i've had them beleive it and want to make sure they get a copy. I figure they're wasting my time, I'll waste theirs. Another thing I'll do is start to hit on them (ask what they're wearing etc.). That will usually end the conversation pretty quick.

LOL

June 7, 2007 8:21 AM
Mary Welch
Member Since '04

Mary Welch said:

Anson, does that work for men and women? That's a good one. "So, what are you wearing?" LOL

June 7, 2007 8:49 AM
Candice A Donofrio
Member Since '07

Candice A Donofrio said:

ROFL Anson, you go boy! You could earn 5 bucks a minute if you got really good at that . . .

June 7, 2007 8:57 AM
Joe Leksich
Member Since '06

Joe Leksich said:

June 7, 2007 9:11 AM
Mary Welch
Member Since '04

Mary Welch said:

Joe, that was great, thanks for sharing.

Bet that poor telemarketer took a change of pants with him to work after that.

June 7, 2007 9:19 AM
Cathy  Clark
Member Since '06

Cathy Clark said:

That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard!

June 7, 2007 10:27 AM
Anson Simque
Member Since '06

Anson Simque said:

Yes mary, it works for men and women. My wife gets a litte concerned when i do it to men. LOL she has nothing to worry about.

June 7, 2007 11:45 AM
Anson Simque
Member Since '06

Anson Simque said:

WOW, never thought of that Candice! ;)

June 7, 2007 11:46 AM
Leesa Finley
Member Since '07

Leesa Finley said:

While all of your suggestions are absolutely marvelous this link is to the absolute best I HAVE EVER HEARD!  I received it over a year ago and still have it - it is hysterical.  Take a listen and I promise you will laugh.  If you are in the office turn the volume down a little!

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnsfw.com/?e577e51ab7036955caef0cbc9ec3d208

June 7, 2007 12:22 PM
Becky Troutt
Member Since '05

Becky Troutt said:

OK, Leesa you win!!  Hilarious!!!!

June 7, 2007 12:33 PM
Mary Welch
Member Since '04

Mary Welch said:

I believe this is the same one Joe posted.

June 7, 2007 12:47 PM
Becky Troutt
Member Since '05

Becky Troutt said:

Yeah it was, sorry Joe.  Missed your link.  Ok, so Joe wins too!!!

June 7, 2007 12:53 PM
Leesa Finley
Member Since '07

Leesa Finley said:

dang it, Joe!  I looked and looked before I posted that so I didn't repost.  It is hilarious!

June 7, 2007 1:19 PM
Anson Simque
Member Since '06

Anson Simque said:

Leesa, that's pretty funny. I've heard it before though. Thanks for the laugh.

June 7, 2007 1:36 PM

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