While I love being here and never would have "met" you fine folks otherwise,or have learned so much,  I wonder what it is about virtual conversations that we most like and dislike?

For example, humor can be lost in the printed phrase.  Some of you are great at getting humor across, some of us are not so great, causing offense to others.  Tone of voice, facial expression, is definitely lost.  And do we often "say" things we wouldn't otherwise say if we were face-to-face?  An earlier thread and recent events have made me ponder.

Case in point.  I told my daughter once that "when I was her age" I talked on the phone all the time.  Today, it's all IM, facebook, myspace, text messages, etc.  I have access to passwords (read "terms of use"), and have printed some of the posts and conversations to explain to her that they are entirely inappropriate.  If someone wouldn't say this to your face, it shouldn't be said.  And if s/he would say this to your face, s/he is not your friend!  Two of her "friends" have been banned.  Daughter explains that people say a lot of things on-line that they would never say otherwise.  THAT's a problem!  Where's Thumper's Mom when you need her. Long discussion ensued.  So far, the past six months on-line have been fine.

Next case, same daughter. Just a few moments ago (while catching up on Relib.  Gosh I missed a lot!), daughter asked to use my laptop to see if her boyfriend is online so she can get more details about tomorrow's prom.  She's exhausted her text message alottment for the month and "If I can't use the computer, I suppose I could call him".  Myself says "Ya have a cell phone, why.....don't ya just call him?!?" (Mind you, the inappropriate on-line stuff was not from him...he's quite the gentleman.  Well, at least when he's around me, and daughter assures me at all other times, as well, because he's afraid, very afraid of me. Picture a devious smile here.)  Why would she rather IM or text her boyfriend than call him?  They go out to the movies, to friends' homes, etc. I assume there's some conversation there?

It's a shift to a technologically driven world from a person-to-person world when we email our neighbor but never actually speak with them.  We type things we probably wouldn't say. I believe it's perfectly OK to do what we do, long distance.  Technology also allows us to maintain cost-effective relationships with family and friends who are far away and "meet" others we would never have the opportunity to meet.  But do we overuse it, thereby intentionally or unintentionally avoiding personal contact?  I don't know.

What brought this on?  I won't bore you with the gory details but a "close" friend of mine with whom I used to speak, really speak with several times a week, just lost her husband of less than one year, very suddenly.  He was 56 years old. This was her second husband who had finally brought a smile back to her face after a decade of misery.  How did she notify me?  She actually didn't.  Her daughter IM's my daughter who told me.  I was actually angry.  Weren't we friends? Why didn't she call me?  Until I really thought about it.  We haven't really spoken in two years.  Oh sure, we email "Hi, How are you?", forward the funny ones, etc. We've seen each other at events, but we really haven't talked.  I thought I was giving her "space" with her new husband, a great guy. I was so happy for her. While I do speak with some friends, some I've lost touch with because technology has made it so easy to do. When we do speak, it always seems to be in crisis. The day-to-day, week-to-week stuff.......?  I probably overdid the "friend" thing this week, but I think I was trying to compensate for two years of neglect. 

I believe some of us have become too technology oriented.  I know I have.  I made two phone calls after the funeral to people I haven't "talked" with in quite some time.  It was really nice.  Think about it. 

Also, I recently discovered that a note I wrote, not an email, to someone thanking him for his public service (he almost singlehandely got two state of the art schools built in my town), made him cry.  He keeps it on his desk.  He told me I could have emailed him or called,  but the fact that I took the time to actually handwrite a note, put a stamp on it, take it to the PO.  I always do this with clients, but friends?  Never dawned on me that it would have that impact.

As I always tell my website sign-ups,  "The internet is great, but it doesn't replace personal service".  I forgot that friends (and family) need personal service, too.

Can you say Epiphany?